The vampiric village hall pantomime.

Dear God in Heaven,
Thank you that I'm still alive after the bloody farrago I've just had to sit through. This afternoon I went along with son, my mother, my aunt, my cousin and his daughter to a pantomime laughingly fashioned out of 'Treasure Island', in which another of my aunts was participating and had cadged some tickets for us. I went along despite feeling tired and ill because my son wanted to - mainly, I suspect, because he knows he can chew through tons of sweets and drink fizzy sugary crap during such entertainments. Well, the one last year wasn't too bad: all the usual 'Oh no it isn't!', 'Look behind you!' and garish dames crap, but moderately well done, by AmDram standards. This year though: Oh dear. fair enough, it was clear the villagers had done their hardest, but they were fighting a losing battle against a script that was too long, too confusing and had too many characters. All the kids in the audience got bored and started yelling or crying or running around, while the adults sat in stoic silence. Jesus, it was bloody awful. I could feel the life force being sucked out of me, the dreadful waste of hours from a life getting shorter as it is. The only bright point of the entire production was a fairly attractive young woman who was wearing very tight black leggings, a result of which was to give us a view of a spectacular camel's hoof. That and the sweets they threw out at the end.