I'm going to take the opportunity of Nur's absence to give up smoking. It's high time I did: I've smoked since I was sixteen, nearly twenty years ago. Jesus! where did that time go??? This means I will have to take up another activity to displace any craving. It can't be eating - I don't want to get a like a fat git! Any suggestions out there?
The fact of the matter is that, in order to rid myself of one bad habit, I must also rid myself of others. Detrimental routines seem to compound each other with me, linking into my sense of self-esteem (or lack of it). For example: I go to the pub at the end of the day because I'm feeling down about something. I have a pint. I smoke because I've always smoked when I drink. I drink more because I'm smoking, and my throat gets dry. I smoke more, then I lurch over to the fruit machine and drunkenly lob some money in it, which I promptly lose. This makes me feel lower, so I drink more beer, run out of money, go to the cashpoint, drink, smoke and gamble more, then suddenly wake up in the morning, feeling miserable because I don't have money. This pondering distracts me from getting on with my job, which makes me feel low, which in turn leads to the pub......
I can't just give up smoking: I have to reeducate myself in drinking. Since university, I have been quite a heavy drinker. Never an alcoholic, fortunately, but that's only because there's some tiny bit of me with a sense of self-preservation. But I will drink until I feel fairly pissed, which is not good.
No comments:
Post a Comment