Thursday, October 23, 2003
God, I feel tired. Tired and ill: had the snuffles all week. I look awful: I caught sight of myself in a shop window as I came to work this afternoon. The face of a haunted, frustrated man. I feel stuck - trapped by everything about me, but most especially by myself. There is an explosion pent up within me, a desire to yell, shout, kick out and live, but I can't seem to find a way forward. each time it comes to making a decision, I go into agonies of doubt about whether it is the right thing to do or not, and by the time I've sort of made a decision, the time and opportunity have passed by. Why am I like this still?