Friday, November 14, 2003

Friday rolls round again...hurrah! The OFSTED inspection is over, now the witch hunt begins. Our department came out of it well, but apparently the college as a whole has had what has been termed as 'mixed results', for which read 'bloody awful'. Fat Freddie McCrindle is probablt eating some of the faculty managers as I write. It has been a very stressful two weeks, not only on the professional side of things, but also the personal. I have felt deeply introspective over this time: I look around at what I am, where I've been and what I'm going to, and I feel deeply disturbed. Once more, I seem to be on a cusp. Looking ahead, my options don't appear too bright as I am. As I must be, well, it doesn't look appealing: middle age, middle of the road, middle bloody nothing, then death. wow. My finances are a mess, I am in shambolic shape, I'm wandering round, following an uncertain flag wavering here and there across the landscape of my life. I need focus: some definite target, a way forward. I both envy and cannot comprehend those who are focused on a single path in their lives. How do they exist? How can they blot out any consideration for all the amazing and terrible things around them and walk a single bright, burning strand?

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