Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Gloomy.

'How's it going?'
'Alright.'
'What did you think of how the exams went?'
'They were OK.'
'What did you think of the concert?'
'It was good, pretty good.'
Compared with:
'How's it going?'
'Fucking brilliant mate!'
'What did you think of how the exams went?'
'They were fantastic!'
'What did you think of the concert?'
'It was just...wooh!'

As you may have gathered from my posts previous, I am not the sort of person who regards every event in my life as being superlative. Indeed, you may have garnered the idea that I am a somewhat bad-tempered, gloomy and pessimistic type.
All of which would be true.
As someone recently said, 'Why don't you ever write about the good things? Why are you so negative?'
to which I replied, 'i usually write when I feel pissed off.'
Yet is this blog, or indeed any of my rather extensive diaries, actually negative?
My answer: not really.
Even my best friends would describe me as being a somewhat moody person, but I am not a doom and gloom merchant as such. Rather, I am someone who values words and emotions. I have always distrusted (amd occasionally despised) people whose reaction is to go 'Wooh!' to any given situation. as in:
'I'm at a concert! Wooh!'
'I'm driving round in a sports car! Wooh!'
'I'm in the Big Brother House! Wooh!'
'I've just made a large amount of money! Wooh!'
'I'm in the pub and someone's just told a brilliant joke! Wooh!'
Wooh.
The war-cry of the addled; of someone desperately trying to convince themselves that they're having the timeof their lives, RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW, when all it is is something rather quotidian.
I distrust people who overuse strong adjectives to describe their experiences, because so often they are used in an over-blown, indeed a fly-blown, way.
If a gig I've been to is good, I'll say that it was good, not that it was brilliant. If the fact that 80% of the students I've arranged an exam for have passed, I'll say it is a good result, not a staggering one. If I appreciate someone, I'll tell them that, not say 'I adore you, man'.
And why? Well, because when I say that something is brilliant, fantastic, superb, gorgeous, when I say to someone 'you're great' or 'I love you', I actually mean it. When I say 'wooh!' it fucking means 'WOOH!'
In other words, I choose my words carefully, becuase I don't want to abase my feelings. someone who uses strong words all the time strikes me as someone who cannot make a distiction between the merely good, or bad, and that which is truly amazing or awful - inother words, someone who is essentially incapable of comprehending, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, the heights and depths of all that is here in this world.
I simply can't go 'Wooh!' at every thing that is good; However, I did so when I got to each of the three peaks last year, because I'd never done it before; Likewise, a production of 'Julius Caesar' I once saw was good, but a production of 'The Merchant of Venice' was brilliant because of Anthony Scher's performance.
I reserve the right to use extreme adjectives and go 'Wooh!' only when the situation only really requires it.
So if you still think I'm a gloomy bastard you can bugger off. True it may be, but I cherish words and situations both.

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