Mnnurggh. Monday morning. I have had three hours’ sleep, so I am not exactly the shiniest-eyed bunny in the warren this a.m. I woke at 3.30; Nur still hadn’t come to bed, although she did so shortly afterwards, leaving me to turn first one side then the other until light started leaking through the curtains. In fact, I haven’t slept well for the past week or so, mainly because of this bloody student-induced cold I’ve had. That, and I’ve felt generally rather miserable over the weekend. The sense of melancholy was triggered by, of all things, drinking too much fresh coffee. Now you might think I’m joking, but I have become increasingly aware over the past few years of how certain foods and drinks can affect my brain chemistry in spectacular ways. Too much coffee leaves me anxious, aggressive and depressed (although decaf and instant do not have the same effect); certain lagers and bitters can do the same, and just for good measure, fuck up my guts for a fortnight - but ale and spirits I can drink with impunity; Certain foods leave me grouchy and miserable, and so forth and so on.
The point is that there is a very clear link between my moods and what I consume – well, no shit, Sherlock! – but I cannot see what is the exact link between the things that leave me feel shitty. If I could identify exactly what chemicals are involved in causing that, in particular the hideous, temporary bouts of depression (and I really do mean temporary; they can come and go in five hours), then I’d be a happier person.
Fortunately, when these moods appear, I am now much more aware of them for what they are, and know that they will disappear, meaning that I’m far better at handling the situation than I used to be.
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