Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Because You're Gormless.

It's all not going too well so far today: I was hoping to get a lot of writing done, but I seem to be being pursued by noise, distraction, more noise and rogue students talking about hairdressing and cars in a loud voice in the library while I'm BLOODY WORKING. So I've decided to take a break for a cup of coffee and scribble a few things down, just for the hell of it.
Talking of Hell, I haven't written anything about advertisements for ages. The latest beef: noticing that virtually all people in clothing/fashion/hair/makeup ads are about 5 years old. These are people who do not need tarting up, plumping up, or anything lifted, so why are they used? Advertising is all about creating our personal Shnagri-Las after all, and making us feel useless/inadequate/basically crap because we don't have this or that product, or our teeth aren't perfectly white, or our hair isn't Salon Fresh, or our car isn't purring down pristine routes. I just get pissed off at all these apparently over-privileged munchkins traipsing around in FantasyLand.
Some companies, of course, try not to use over-toned homunculi in their ads. Dove is one, with its Real Women "Campaign". I notice it doesn't use Real Trolls, however. Amazingly, Loreal use 70-something Jane Fonda in its ads for Face Glop For Raisin-Faced People. Now, Jane Fonda used to be a stunningly attractive woman, and is still so for her age. Unfortunately, in the ad, what holds me mesmerised are her teeth, which glitter blazing white in unnaturally even rows. It looks like she has an entire gobful of falsies, which makes me wonder why. After all, she is wealthy and famously health conscious, so how come it looks like she's lost all her pearlies?
I imagine she was in some kind of scrap. Perhaps she was on the piss in a bar one time and encountered a tanked up Olivia Newton-John, and they got into an argument regarding their fading revenues from old VHS fitness workout tapes. In a fit of rage, Jane glasses Olivia, who picks up a barstool and smacks her one in the mouth. Because She's Worth It.

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