personal statements.

One of the things that my foundation students are doing at the moment is completing their personal statements for their university application forms (UCAS). we have to work on these, day after day, time after time, in order to get them just right so they can sell themselves as viable students to the unis of their choice. We try to emphasise to the students that they should get something of their personal essence over, as well as explaining why they want to study their particular subject in a British uni.
C. (left anonymous to avoid personal ridicule) came to see me. He handed in his personal statement, a page and a half of closely-typed work.
me: This is too long, C.
C. Is it?
me: Hmm, the beginning's OK...but why are you trying to explain about economics and politics?
C: Show I know subject.
Me: But the people who're going to read this already know this...you're trying to teach them how to suck eggs...they want to know why you want to study it.
C: do they?
Me: Yes....hold on, have you had some help with this?
C:(shiftily) er..no, it's my work..
Me: I never knew you wanted to be an MP...
C: Yes!Yes, I do!
Me: (Pause) What exactly does MP mean, C?
C: Government official
Me: 'I want to help defend our island democracy'. C, you're from China! You're not a bloody island democracy, you're a mainland single-party state!
C: (Pause) I know.
Me: I suspect you've had a little help, haven't you?
C: (indistinctly) My friend..
Me: Sorry?
C: My friend help me..
Me: Well, he didn't do a good job, did he? Looks like he Googled this...
C: No! His work, he helped me!
Me: According to this you've been a member of the Conservative Party since 1997. Who's the leader of the Conservative Party?
C: Who're the Conservative Party?
Me: And..Oh yes, C, do you like eating meat?
C: (slightly confused) yes, yes, love meat.
Me: well that's bloody weird, because according to this, you are also a member of the Vegan Society!
And off he goes to rewrite it in his own words.
Meanwhile I gently bang my head against the desk.