Nearly 37.

Tomorrow, in fact. Some would say this is scary, particularly in the light of the fact that I feel nowhere near this old. Fortunately for me, I don't look it either, thanks to some good skin genes from both sides of the family tree. Cycling and giving up fags have definitely helped too. However, the fact remains that I shall be 37, and should act in a more considerate, thoughtful and mature way henceforth.
This is why I and several colleagues shall be going out tomorrow to get dreadfully pissed up, followed by kebab eating, dancing, and more drinking.

Mishearing things?
Gabriella, the Argentinian programme leader for Modern Foreign Languages, asked me:
'Do you like Alpha Whores?'
'Sorry?'
'Alpha Whores. I brought them back from Argentina. They're delicious.'
And she whipped them out there and then.
Sadly, they weren't Alpha Whores, or even Beta Slappers, but alfajores, a type of sweet. And very delicious they were too.

Not bothered

..to blog. Yes, I know I'm being lazy, but I have been at my most indolent for quite some time for the past week. Either I've watched TV, or idled in front of the computer, and pretty much bugger all else. Well, that's what having a half-term holiday does for you.
Coming back yesterday, one of my students, R., was dreadfully excited because it was snowing a flake or two.
'Will it settle? I want to build a snowman!'
He's from Bangladesh, and has never seen snow before.
As the advert has it, when was the last time you did something for the first time? That was the thought winding round my mind as I went back home. Resolved not to be so lazy.

still stuck here.

And I've got another two and a half hours before I can haul my sorry arse out of work and back home. And it's pissing down. By the end of today, I will have worked forty-five hours this week. Thank god I'm off tomorrow.
Just before leaving home this morning, I caught the news about Charles and horse-features. May they have a long and stable (geddit? - well, come on, it is late) marriage.

It's a bit early in the morning for that, isn't it?

In my intermediate class yesterday, introducing the use of second conditional structures:
Me: If we were in Rio right now, what would we do?
H: I'd be at an all night party
C: I'd be on the beach
A: I'd go to the carnival
V: I'd have sex on the beach.
cue laughter.
V: (Bright red face)I mean the cocktail! I mean the cocktail! It's very good!
Me: (Pause, dramatic look at watch)It's too early in the morning for either. At least you pronounced 'beach' correctly...

personal statements.

One of the things that my foundation students are doing at the moment is completing their personal statements for their university application forms (UCAS). we have to work on these, day after day, time after time, in order to get them just right so they can sell themselves as viable students to the unis of their choice. We try to emphasise to the students that they should get something of their personal essence over, as well as explaining why they want to study their particular subject in a British uni.
C. (left anonymous to avoid personal ridicule) came to see me. He handed in his personal statement, a page and a half of closely-typed work.
me: This is too long, C.
C. Is it?
me: Hmm, the beginning's OK...but why are you trying to explain about economics and politics?
C: Show I know subject.
Me: But the people who're going to read this already know this...you're trying to teach them how to suck eggs...they want to know why you want to study it.
C: do they?
Me: Yes....hold on, have you had some help with this?
C:(shiftily) er..no, it's my work..
Me: I never knew you wanted to be an MP...
C: Yes!Yes, I do!
Me: (Pause) What exactly does MP mean, C?
C: Government official
Me: 'I want to help defend our island democracy'. C, you're from China! You're not a bloody island democracy, you're a mainland single-party state!
C: (Pause) I know.
Me: I suspect you've had a little help, haven't you?
C: (indistinctly) My friend..
Me: Sorry?
C: My friend help me..
Me: Well, he didn't do a good job, did he? Looks like he Googled this...
C: No! His work, he helped me!
Me: According to this you've been a member of the Conservative Party since 1997. Who's the leader of the Conservative Party?
C: Who're the Conservative Party?
Me: And..Oh yes, C, do you like eating meat?
C: (slightly confused) yes, yes, love meat.
Me: well that's bloody weird, because according to this, you are also a member of the Vegan Society!
And off he goes to rewrite it in his own words.
Meanwhile I gently bang my head against the desk.

weird feeling.

I spent much of yesterday in a haze. I washed the car of its coat of winter grime in a trance, vaguely surfed the net, flipped through pages of a history book. Later, I went out with my son to the park. Everyone else with children in the vicinity, it seemed, had had the same idea. The sun poked his head out of the clouds for a while, and was actually warm against the skin. Families drifted through the park, their children raced around the climbing frames and swings. And to me, it all seemed utterly unreal, a complete illusion. I had the feeling that, if I could stand in just the correct way, reach out my hand into just the right point in space and time, I could poke a hole through the veil in front of my face and peer into the deep bluey-purple beyond. The only thing that had life and reality was my son and myself.
This is why it is not a good idea to drink until 3 a.m. on a saturday night.

one year!

I have now not had a fag for a whole year! hurrah! by my calculation, that means I've saved at least �876.

Inertia.

I am currently doing bugger all on this site: nothing more than random doodlings and scribbles. However, it's a reflection of my current sense of inertia. While I am extremely busy at work, nothing much else seems to be going on. I'm currently waiting to start my Trinity Licentiate Diploma course, courtesy of the college and St. George's International, and all is stagnant. Meanwhile, the paperwork creeps ever skywards, and this lingering ennui prevents me doing anything.
And it's not even thursday.

stupid joke.

Q. What do Michael Jackson and a cheap shopping bag have in common?
A. They're both 90% plastic and dangerous to children..........